"Bitterness will only lead to pain. Give it over to God and trust Him." (Paula White)
I feel bitterness toward a relative who I feel has been ungrateful. I am going to squash it, let it go. And, most importantly, give the situation over to God. I don't have to give that person over to God because, we are all in God's hands. What I need to do is give my feelings and this situation over to God. And, most, most, most importantly, trust that God has already worked it out. The bitterness is lifting from my spirit as we speak.
This whole situation makes me think of a song by the LA Mass Choir "That's When You Bless Me." The lyrics truly to touch me to the core of my spirit. What's also special about this song is that I asked the Lord to plant this song on my heart so that I could learn to play it. And HE blessed me with the ability to play this song over 25 years ago. And I can still play it to this day. God is good!!!!
-------------------------------------------------
That's When You Bless Me (L.A. Mass Choir)
My life was torn beyond repair
I felt so alone, seemed no one cared
You came along, gave me a song
To ease the pain and erase the strain
(Bridge)
You could have left me standing there
With no one, no one to care
But You promised me You'd be there on time
And You did just what You said
(Female solo)
Against all odds, I made the choice
To give You my life, now I rejoice
You answered my prayers not a moment to soon
Your word I embraced, my sins You erased
Repeat Bridge
(Chorus)
(I gave it up) That's when You bless me
(Oh I let it go) That's when You bless me
(Lord, You brought me through, now I'm brand new)
Yes
(I said have Your way) That's when You bless me
(Oh I'm here to stay) That's when You bless me
(Lord, You promised me You would hear my plea)
And You did just what You said.
(Female solo)
Against all odds, I made the choice
To give You my trust, now I rejoice
You answered my prayers not a moment to soon
Your word I embraced, my sins You erased
(Repeat Bridge)
(Chorus w/ solo adlibs)
(Vamp)
And You did just what You said....
And You did just what You said....
AMEN
-------------------------------------
Saturday, September 28, 2013
Day 9: Owning my own unique "Bad-Assness"
"...Stop comparing yourself to others. It’s human nature to do this. Besides, we live in a relative world where we are always “more” or “less” than something or someone else. But how does it serve us to go around comparing our bodies or our successes to others? If we’re doing “better” than some random person we deem comparable, we make it mean we’re good. If we’re not at the level of some other arbitrary person, we make it mean we suck. Could you take a step back and realize that your life is exactly that? Yours. No one else’s, and your journey is 100% unique to you? Using relativity to boost or lessen your self-worth is a dangerous place to be because it’s a game we can never win. There will always be someone more lean/fit/successful/smart/ripped/thin/muscular, etc than us. And us searching out those people with the sole intention of making us feel bad about ourselves is a waste of time and energy. Instead, own your unique bad-assness right now and relax into the awesomeness that is YOU..."(Jill Fit).
I am owning my own unique "bad-assness" today. I am not focusing on anyone else or what they have or don't have. I am focused on myself and what God has given me. Thank you Lord for making me a unique, loving individual who deserves good things from you.
Amen.
I am owning my own unique "bad-assness" today. I am not focusing on anyone else or what they have or don't have. I am focused on myself and what God has given me. Thank you Lord for making me a unique, loving individual who deserves good things from you.
Amen.
Friday, September 27, 2013
Day 8: With Christ, There is Nothing Missing...
Prayer:
Scripture:
I appreciate this post that I saw on social media, posted by Pastor Kim Burrell. It truly blessed me:
"...Please remember... God's word will NEVER return void! In other words, What God told u will ALWAYS hold value! What does God's word say? He says that you're fearfully & wonderfully made! He's says that you're the head & not the tail... Above & not beneath... A lender not a borrower! He says that all things work together for the good to them who love Him & r called according to His purpose! & so much more... So, I challenge u today... Use the word of God in EVERY situation & see God's glory in action!..."
Here is a prayer that spoke to me:
Lord, help me embrace what is and live each day with thankfulness for the life I've been given. Give me the grace to be happy while I wait for what I want, rather than insist that I cannot be happy until I attain it. In Jesus' Name, Amen.
I am happy to testify that I am blessed to have come to the realization that there is nothing missing in my life. I am doing everything that I am supposed to be doing at the time and in the season that I am supposed to be doing it. In God's time. With Christ, there is nothing missing in my life.
Today was a rough day, but I have decided not to be angry. I am not going to vent. What I am going to be is grateful. I am grateful for life. I am grateful for my mother. I am grateful for my husband. I am grateful for my niece. I am grateful for life. I am grateful for my job. I am grateful for a good relationship with my boss. I am grateful for the ability to walk away and to focus on myself.
Amen.
Scripture:
I appreciate this post that I saw on social media, posted by Pastor Kim Burrell. It truly blessed me:
"...Please remember... God's word will NEVER return void! In other words, What God told u will ALWAYS hold value! What does God's word say? He says that you're fearfully & wonderfully made! He's says that you're the head & not the tail... Above & not beneath... A lender not a borrower! He says that all things work together for the good to them who love Him & r called according to His purpose! & so much more... So, I challenge u today... Use the word of God in EVERY situation & see God's glory in action!..."
Here is a prayer that spoke to me:
Lord, help me embrace what is and live each day with thankfulness for the life I've been given. Give me the grace to be happy while I wait for what I want, rather than insist that I cannot be happy until I attain it. In Jesus' Name, Amen.
I am happy to testify that I am blessed to have come to the realization that there is nothing missing in my life. I am doing everything that I am supposed to be doing at the time and in the season that I am supposed to be doing it. In God's time. With Christ, there is nothing missing in my life.
Today was a rough day, but I have decided not to be angry. I am not going to vent. What I am going to be is grateful. I am grateful for life. I am grateful for my mother. I am grateful for my husband. I am grateful for my niece. I am grateful for life. I am grateful for my job. I am grateful for a good relationship with my boss. I am grateful for the ability to walk away and to focus on myself.
Amen.
Thursday, September 26, 2013
Day 7: My timing vs. God's timing
Prayer: Dear Heavenly Father. Thank you for life. Thank you for your son, Jesus Christ who died so that I might live. Thank you for your Grace. Thank you for your mercy. Thank you for my family. Thank you for supplying all of my needs. Give me the heart and mind to be a blessing to your people, all people. In Jesus' Name we pray, Amen.
"For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD... plans to give you hope and a future."-Jeremiah 29:11
==========================
I read some inspiring posts today that I want to share:
"Stress makes you believe that everything has to happen right now. Faith reassures you that everything will happen in God's timing!"
Everything that you put into your body and your mind matters. Make loving choices today.
Look at you! Accept that the spirit of God lives in you. You are a wonderfully divine creation of God! When you can look at yourself, accept who and what you are, and love yourself unconditionally, your spirit is empowered!
So Grateful for this Gift. I am evolving into the Woman I have always aspired to be, both inside and out! "For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD... plans to give you hope and a future."-Jeremiah 29:11
"Today is a new day it was not promised but by God's grace you are still here. Make new music, dance a new dance, enjoy the fresh newness of life! Make every second an offering of praise to God today!"
Christ's love is deeper than anything you have known. Give Him the chance to come in your heart and heal your pain!
-----------------------------
Of all of the inspiring posts, the first two truly speak to me today:
"Stress makes you believe that everything has to happen right now. Faith reassures you that everything will happen in God's timing!"
Everything that you put into your body and your mind matters. Make loving choices today.
I have been feeling kind of down for the last few days, but I know its my hormones kicking in this month, so I accept that. Studying self affirmations and applying them, and reading the self help books/posts have been so helpful. I truly can relate to the affirmation on stress. I was that person in my previous life. I used to believe that everything had to happen right now. Today. And if I didn't, I thought about it all day. I wore stress all over my face. I have a new Faith that, regardless of whether it happens today, tomorrow or next week. Whatever that is meant to happen will happen in God's timing. And God's timing is the BEST timing. Not my timing. My timing is way off. God's timing is the best timing. And God's timing is always RIGHT ON TIME.
Workout: I had a great workout today. I did three (3), 10 minute strength training cardio workouts today. I felt great afterwards. I plan to do the resistance band workout later on today. It's 10 minutes. That's all I really need for a workout. And I broke a sweat, which is awesome.
Food: I had a fat burning smoothie this morning. I've made a decision that I am going to start every morning with a smoothie. EVERY SINGLE MORNING. I just feel great afterwards, plus I feel like I've got in some great veggies and fruits. I feel great after drinking the smoothie. I feel great right now. Then I had some healthy snacks: an apple and a boiled egg. No overeating or binge eating or mindless snacking today. I cut out the morning coffee today. I feel better as a result. It's going to take a bit of will power not to purchase a coffee today, but I'm going to exercise that will power and take a pass on coffee today. I have been feeling crappy later on in the day as a result of drinking so much coffee, plus I have read more than one place that morning coffee often leads to overeating later on in the day. I have personally found that to be the case in my own life. I'll have some sugar free hot cocoa, with a dark chocolate square later on if I have a caffeine craving.
I'm looking forward to baking my acorn squash, with pecans, "Splenda blend" brown sugar, chipotle hot chili powder and some quinoa, coupled with a few mini meat loaves. Sounds scruptuous!!!!
Life is good. It's going to be a great day today. I'm going to be intentional about doing some sewing today. I feel kind of bad that I have been putting it off. But no better day than the present. It's all about doing it and now just talking about it!
God is good. Thank you Lord for life.
"I am a good person, and I accept all of the Good that God sends my way. When good things come my way, I will not push them away."
Wednesday, September 25, 2013
Day 6: Love Your Family
Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for this day that you have made. I am rejoicing and I am glad today. Thank you for life, a more abundant life. Thank you for my family. Thank you for health. Thank you for providing ALL of my needs. Thank you for wisdom. Thank you for your love, which is better than life. Thank you for all that you have done, are doing and will do. In Jesus' name we pray, Amen.
Everyday that I log onto social media, I read prayers that are posted by a woman who is both a pastor and a pastor's wife. Her prayers are very profound. They are always ontime. The prayer today was that we love our families as we love Christ. I thought it was a timely prayer because I have really been struggling with the idea of "loving" members of my family. Some of my family members truly get on my nerves. But my mom pointed out that family members are tolerant of my personality, so I should continue to be tolerant of theirs. I am grateful for this woman's thought provoking daily prayers. I am both grateful for them, but I am also thankful for them.
I enjoyed listening to Louise Hay's audio tape to "You Can Heal Your Life" yesterday. I need to concentrate and listen to it again. I also need to set aside some time to sit down and read the ENTIRE book, from cover to cover. I also want to read, "You Can Organize Your Life." I purchased that book a while ago and I never read it. I am notorious for buying books and signing up for continuing education programs, yet I never finish the books nor follow through on the programs. That is going to stop TODAY.
My hormones have been raging here lately because it is that "time of the YEAR" (LOL). I had a field day eating chicken wings last night with my husband---late last night. Let's just say that I don't need to eat any chicken wings for a VERY LONG time. I am chickened out. I'm getting on the stick this morning, eating fruit and protein. It is my goal today to drink ALL 72 ounces of water, along with two protein smoothies and some power soup today. I also plan to do my circuit training weight workout shortly. It felt really good going on a power walk with my husband this morning. I plan to get a walk in daily as a warm up. Not a workout, per se but as a warm up.
I was really happy to check my garden this morning. There were peppers growing! Jalapeno and green peppers. I was elated. I cannot wait until they get some size to them so that I can pick them. They are growing. Maybe a few more weeks and they will be ready to pick and eat. I cannot wait.
Plans: My plan is to sign up for the "Diamonds of Real Estate" course this weekend. It will be a good investment. I hope the trainer makes good on his claim to pay people for referrals. If nothing else, I plan to invest in some real estate myself and on my own. I also plan to sign up for the donut course. It just looks interesting. And the artisan bread making course. Hopefully, I will get up the confidence to start some kind of pastry business. If nothing else, selling pastries at the church or setting up a small kiosk at conferences and selling pastries of some kind there. We will see!!!
It's just a good day today. I'm going to get some research work done, some sewing done. It's a great day.
Life is good. God is good. I am a good person. I deserve for good things to come my way. When they do, I will not push them away.
Amen.
Everyday that I log onto social media, I read prayers that are posted by a woman who is both a pastor and a pastor's wife. Her prayers are very profound. They are always ontime. The prayer today was that we love our families as we love Christ. I thought it was a timely prayer because I have really been struggling with the idea of "loving" members of my family. Some of my family members truly get on my nerves. But my mom pointed out that family members are tolerant of my personality, so I should continue to be tolerant of theirs. I am grateful for this woman's thought provoking daily prayers. I am both grateful for them, but I am also thankful for them.
I enjoyed listening to Louise Hay's audio tape to "You Can Heal Your Life" yesterday. I need to concentrate and listen to it again. I also need to set aside some time to sit down and read the ENTIRE book, from cover to cover. I also want to read, "You Can Organize Your Life." I purchased that book a while ago and I never read it. I am notorious for buying books and signing up for continuing education programs, yet I never finish the books nor follow through on the programs. That is going to stop TODAY.
My hormones have been raging here lately because it is that "time of the YEAR" (LOL). I had a field day eating chicken wings last night with my husband---late last night. Let's just say that I don't need to eat any chicken wings for a VERY LONG time. I am chickened out. I'm getting on the stick this morning, eating fruit and protein. It is my goal today to drink ALL 72 ounces of water, along with two protein smoothies and some power soup today. I also plan to do my circuit training weight workout shortly. It felt really good going on a power walk with my husband this morning. I plan to get a walk in daily as a warm up. Not a workout, per se but as a warm up.
I was really happy to check my garden this morning. There were peppers growing! Jalapeno and green peppers. I was elated. I cannot wait until they get some size to them so that I can pick them. They are growing. Maybe a few more weeks and they will be ready to pick and eat. I cannot wait.
Plans: My plan is to sign up for the "Diamonds of Real Estate" course this weekend. It will be a good investment. I hope the trainer makes good on his claim to pay people for referrals. If nothing else, I plan to invest in some real estate myself and on my own. I also plan to sign up for the donut course. It just looks interesting. And the artisan bread making course. Hopefully, I will get up the confidence to start some kind of pastry business. If nothing else, selling pastries at the church or setting up a small kiosk at conferences and selling pastries of some kind there. We will see!!!
It's just a good day today. I'm going to get some research work done, some sewing done. It's a great day.
Life is good. God is good. I am a good person. I deserve for good things to come my way. When they do, I will not push them away.
Amen.
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
Day 5: Don't Throw Away Your Confidence
Today's prayer: Heavenly Father, thank you for this day that you have made. I am so grateful and I will be glad today. Thank you for life. Thank you for a more abundant life. Thank you for your blessings, seen and unseen. Thank you for blessing me, so that I may bless someone else. Continue to give me the confidence, so that I may continue to do your will. In Jesus' name we pray, Amen.
Today's scripture: So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what He has promised. (Hebrews 10:35-36)
Confidence is so important, in every aspect of life. Unfortunately, I am feeling unconfident today. I am loosing confidence. I feel it. I need to undergird myself with some positive aspirations, prayer and meditation. Today calls for some Louise Hay today.
I did feel confident enough to arise and do a good 30 minute cardio work out. I am feeling dehydrated. I must drink 72 oz of water today.
I will get some sewing done and maybe some crochet. I'm not sure what the food will look like today. I fixed a big pot of power soup. But I'm really not in the mood for that today, and I don't think Melvin is either. I will probably order some take out. It's just one of those days....
I need the perserverence that only God can give today.
Amen
Today's scripture: So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what He has promised. (Hebrews 10:35-36)
Confidence is so important, in every aspect of life. Unfortunately, I am feeling unconfident today. I am loosing confidence. I feel it. I need to undergird myself with some positive aspirations, prayer and meditation. Today calls for some Louise Hay today.
I did feel confident enough to arise and do a good 30 minute cardio work out. I am feeling dehydrated. I must drink 72 oz of water today.
I will get some sewing done and maybe some crochet. I'm not sure what the food will look like today. I fixed a big pot of power soup. But I'm really not in the mood for that today, and I don't think Melvin is either. I will probably order some take out. It's just one of those days....
I need the perserverence that only God can give today.
Amen
Monday, September 23, 2013
Day 4: Gratefulness
Prayer: Heavenly Father, thank you for this day that you have made. I am rejoicing and I am glad in it. Thank you for life and a life that is more abundant. Thank you for your son, Jesus Christ, who suffered and died so that I may live. Thank you for my entire family: my husband, my mom, my sister, my niece, my brother in law, my uncle. My entire family. Thank you for friends. Thank you for your arms of protection. Thank you for your angels, camped all around. Thank you Lord for helping me to see my purpose in life. In Jesus' name, Amen.
Scripture: We also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. (Romans 5:3-4)
I cannot say that right now I totally agree with this scripture. I don't think anyone takes "glory" in their sufferings. Even though, in the back of my mind, I know that God is working things out for my good, I don't relish in any kind of suffering. I am going to have grow into this one (LOL).
I am grateful today. My mom was so nice to me. She paid for my groceries without warning. I was so grateful. She said that since I have been helping her all of these weeks, months and years, the least she could do was pay for my groceries. I am truly grateful for her and for doing that. It was really a help to me and my family. I am grateful for all that she is and has done my entire life. I am grateful that I recognized that I am a good person who deserves good things. I receive the good thing that God sent my way via my mother. She is a good person, I am a good person, and most importantly, God represents all good and all love.
It was great seeing my niece and my sister today. My niece seemed to be doing a lot better today. She seemed really alert and talkative today. But she better stop forgetting her glasses for school. My mom purchased a book over the weekend from a friend of hers. It's a children's book about a little girl who keeps being reminded to "not forget your glasses." It fit my niece to a T.
Gratefulness by Pastor Hezekiah Walker
I am
Grateful for the things
That you have done
Yes, I'm grateful for the vic-tories we've won
I could go on and on and on
About your works
Because I'm grateful, grateful, so grateful
Just to praise you lord
Flowing from my heart
Are the issues of my heart
It's Gratefulness
[x2]
Grateful, Grateful, Grateful, Grateful, Grateful, Grateful, Grateful, Grateful, Grateful, Grateful, Grateful, Gratefulness
It's flowing from my heart
[x8]
Flowing from my heart
Are the issues of my heart
It's Gratefulness
I'm just grateful today.
Affirmation: I am grateful for this day. I am grateful for life. I am grateful for all of the good that God is sending, will send and has sent my way.
Food/weight loss: It felt good working out today. I must remember to separate out my cardio from my weight training/resistance training. I'm doing a high protein/low carb "get rid of the bloat" day today. The plan is to drink protein smoothies for breakfast and lunch and to eat "power soup" for the rest of the weekend. However THE WEEKEND IS MINE. Pray that I don't bing and overeat (LOL).
Creative arts: It was fun purchasing some stretch knit fabric today in pretty fall colors. I plan to make three very simple yet form fitting dresses, not too form fitting though, yet comfortable. The simpler the best. Yet stylish. I look forward to cutting out the pattern today and creating new more permanent patterns from pattern paper later on today---YEAH!!!!
Thank you Lord for life. I love myself unconditionally! I'm just grateful today!!!!
Scripture: We also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. (Romans 5:3-4)
I cannot say that right now I totally agree with this scripture. I don't think anyone takes "glory" in their sufferings. Even though, in the back of my mind, I know that God is working things out for my good, I don't relish in any kind of suffering. I am going to have grow into this one (LOL).
I am grateful today. My mom was so nice to me. She paid for my groceries without warning. I was so grateful. She said that since I have been helping her all of these weeks, months and years, the least she could do was pay for my groceries. I am truly grateful for her and for doing that. It was really a help to me and my family. I am grateful for all that she is and has done my entire life. I am grateful that I recognized that I am a good person who deserves good things. I receive the good thing that God sent my way via my mother. She is a good person, I am a good person, and most importantly, God represents all good and all love.
It was great seeing my niece and my sister today. My niece seemed to be doing a lot better today. She seemed really alert and talkative today. But she better stop forgetting her glasses for school. My mom purchased a book over the weekend from a friend of hers. It's a children's book about a little girl who keeps being reminded to "not forget your glasses." It fit my niece to a T.
Gratefulness by Pastor Hezekiah Walker
I am
Grateful for the things
That you have done
Yes, I'm grateful for the vic-tories we've won
I could go on and on and on
About your works
Because I'm grateful, grateful, so grateful
Just to praise you lord
Flowing from my heart
Are the issues of my heart
It's Gratefulness
[x2]
Grateful, Grateful, Grateful, Grateful, Grateful, Grateful, Grateful, Grateful, Grateful, Grateful, Grateful, Gratefulness
It's flowing from my heart
[x8]
Flowing from my heart
Are the issues of my heart
It's Gratefulness
I'm just grateful today.
Affirmation: I am grateful for this day. I am grateful for life. I am grateful for all of the good that God is sending, will send and has sent my way.
Food/weight loss: It felt good working out today. I must remember to separate out my cardio from my weight training/resistance training. I'm doing a high protein/low carb "get rid of the bloat" day today. The plan is to drink protein smoothies for breakfast and lunch and to eat "power soup" for the rest of the weekend. However THE WEEKEND IS MINE. Pray that I don't bing and overeat (LOL).
Creative arts: It was fun purchasing some stretch knit fabric today in pretty fall colors. I plan to make three very simple yet form fitting dresses, not too form fitting though, yet comfortable. The simpler the best. Yet stylish. I look forward to cutting out the pattern today and creating new more permanent patterns from pattern paper later on today---YEAH!!!!
Thank you Lord for life. I love myself unconditionally! I'm just grateful today!!!!
Sunday, September 22, 2013
Day 3 - Using my voice to stamp out toxic mental tapes...
I have been listening to Louise Hay's video, "You Can Do It" for the last few days. The video and the book both focus on using affirmations to end self-sabotage. The plan is to listen to the video for at least the next 30 days. Those are Louise's recommendations, and I am going to follow them. I just noticed this post from Les Brown that follows the same thought...
"...Use your voice as a hammer to stamp out toxic, disempowering, negative thoughts that can come into your mind. You can't control the thoughts that come through your mind, but you can control the ones you choose to dwell on. Talk back to yourself and challenge the negative thinking that is robbing you of energy and focus. Use your voice as an instrument to inspire you and to change the trauma into positive feelings. Look at yourself in a mirror and say "I love myself unconditionally." Do this daily for the next 21 days. You will experience a new love and appreciation for your higher self which will begin to express itself. Your mind and ego will tell you this is foolish, childish, or that you don't need to do this. Don't be duped. Negative thoughts don't want to die and will struggle to remain alive.Speak life to yourself with power, feeling and conviction. Choose positive words that will transport your mind to a new reality. You Deserve! You have GREATNESS within you!!.."
I like the line "You can't control the thoughts that come through your mind, but you can control the ones you choose to dwell on." Louise Hay says something similar, in that when negative thoughts come to mind, immediately replace it with a positive thought, a positive affirmation. This comes through intentional, daily practice. Louise Hay, like Les Brown also recommends that I look into the mirror everyday and say the affirmation: "I LOVE MYSELF UNCONDITIONALLY." I am about to go do that in a few minutes because I do truly love myself---unconditionally.
Scripture of the Day: "Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God." (Romans 15:7)
This scripture is so on point with our discussion today. I have found that this hardest person it is to accept is myself. I am working most on self acceptance. Once I truly learn to love myself unconditionally and how to accept myself, then it will be easy to accept others. Self acceptance brings praise to God. So does accepting others.
Today is a great day. My husband will be preaching this morning. My mom, Uncle, nephew and a few friends and family will be visiting the church to hear him preach. He is such a great person, a great preacher and a great teacher with a lot of sincerity and heart. I am so happy to have been married to him for the last 20 years. I have learned so much from him. I have learned so much about what it feels like for someone to love you unconditionally. I LOVE HIM UNCONDITIONALLY. I LOVE MYSELF UNCONDITIONALLY!
See you tomorrow!!!
xoxoxoxox
"...Use your voice as a hammer to stamp out toxic, disempowering, negative thoughts that can come into your mind. You can't control the thoughts that come through your mind, but you can control the ones you choose to dwell on. Talk back to yourself and challenge the negative thinking that is robbing you of energy and focus. Use your voice as an instrument to inspire you and to change the trauma into positive feelings. Look at yourself in a mirror and say "I love myself unconditionally." Do this daily for the next 21 days. You will experience a new love and appreciation for your higher self which will begin to express itself. Your mind and ego will tell you this is foolish, childish, or that you don't need to do this. Don't be duped. Negative thoughts don't want to die and will struggle to remain alive.Speak life to yourself with power, feeling and conviction. Choose positive words that will transport your mind to a new reality. You Deserve! You have GREATNESS within you!!.."
I like the line "You can't control the thoughts that come through your mind, but you can control the ones you choose to dwell on." Louise Hay says something similar, in that when negative thoughts come to mind, immediately replace it with a positive thought, a positive affirmation. This comes through intentional, daily practice. Louise Hay, like Les Brown also recommends that I look into the mirror everyday and say the affirmation: "I LOVE MYSELF UNCONDITIONALLY." I am about to go do that in a few minutes because I do truly love myself---unconditionally.
Scripture of the Day: "Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God." (Romans 15:7)
This scripture is so on point with our discussion today. I have found that this hardest person it is to accept is myself. I am working most on self acceptance. Once I truly learn to love myself unconditionally and how to accept myself, then it will be easy to accept others. Self acceptance brings praise to God. So does accepting others.
Today is a great day. My husband will be preaching this morning. My mom, Uncle, nephew and a few friends and family will be visiting the church to hear him preach. He is such a great person, a great preacher and a great teacher with a lot of sincerity and heart. I am so happy to have been married to him for the last 20 years. I have learned so much from him. I have learned so much about what it feels like for someone to love you unconditionally. I LOVE HIM UNCONDITIONALLY. I LOVE MYSELF UNCONDITIONALLY!
See you tomorrow!!!
xoxoxoxox
Saturday, September 21, 2013
Day 2: I am a good person and I deserve the good things that God sends my way
Prayer for the day: Heavenly Father, thank you for this day that you have made. I am rejoicing and I am glad in it. Thank you Lord for blessings granted, seen and unseen. Thank you for life. Thank you for strength. Thank you for your son, Jesus Christ who died on the cross so that I might live. Thank you for my family. Thank you for second chances. Thank you for my heart's desires. In Jesus' Name I pray, Amen.
Inspiring Scripture: May the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, and the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all. (2 Corinthians 13:14)
Quote for the Day: “As your faith is strengthened you will find that there is no longer the need to have a sense of control, that things will flow as they will, and that you will flow with them, to your great delight and benefit.” ― Emmanuel Teney
=============
I can truly relate to Emmanuel Teney's quote. I am working daily to strengthen my faith. I recognize that life will flow and that I will go with the flow of life, as God flows life my way. One of my favorite scriptures is: "Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart." As I flow with the life that God gives me, I will delight and benefit with that flow of life.
Yesterday was truly a blessing. Shortly before the close of business yesterday, I received an email, extending an offer for a work from home position. I applied for the position back in August. I felt good about the interview. I was worried about passing the required credit check. So, when I received an email about a week ago, stating that I passed the credit check, I felt pretty confident that I would receive the position. But you never know. What's great about this opportunity is the fact that I'd applied for this position years' ago, but I wasn't hired. I'd even applied for a straight work from home customer service position through this company back in 2008, but I acted out of "self sabotage" and resigned during training. I thank God for this opportunity for so many reasons. I will remain positive and not live in the past of my past failures and I will say that this will be an excellent opportunity to work from home, provide great customer service to people in need and to use my research skills in a fun way. The position will also be light and fun and will not involve some of the heavy and somewhat "depressing" (LOL) research that I have recently provided. I am also thankful to be a work from home, W-2 employee. I recognize that this will be a opportunity to become firmly involved in an organization. It will also be an opportunity to move up in responsibility. I recognize that "I am a good person and good things can happen to me." I also recognize that when "good things come my way, I WILL NOT PUSH THEM AWAY." Thank you, Lord, for the blessings and the good things that you have sent my way. I know that you will be with me always, strengthening me and encouraging me along the way.
I am half way finished with Louise Hay's audio book, "You Can Do It" and the power of affirmations. I particularly appreciated the affirmations on forgiveness and creativity. Louise Hay asserts that you can change your life for the good by changing your view of the world. Yolanda Adams also said it best, along the same lines, when she said "Be transformed by changing the way you look at situations." My daily goal, through this blog, is to transform my life, to stop self sabotage in its tracks and to change the way I perceive situations for my good.
I truly enjoyed Women's World magazine yesterday. They always have such great recipes in there. The magazine also has very inspiring messages. The message that I read yesterday that is totally relevant to this blog is this one:
"You deserve good things! Your happiness is worth investing in. If you tend to put your wishes last, it's no wonder why; these days time and energy are in short supply. But spending just a little of each on your dreams doesn't cost a thing. Hope is free, and the payoff is huge." Creating this blog, for me, is an act of investing time and energy in my happiness and my self worth. I am investing in the process of transforming my mind and transforming my view of life and the world. This act will pay forth into my daily happiness.
Women's World also had a quote this week that is even more on-point with what Louise Hay said about self affirmations on creativity. Louise Hay spoke about the fact that people think that only artists are creative people. However, she said that we all express our creativity in many, many unique ways, if only we would tap into it. The Women's World magazine had this quote that I just noticed that's totally relevant to this point:
"Your list of strengths, skills and special qualities gets longer all the time. Some you've already perfected. Some you're still developing. Some you're just discovering. And some you don't even know you have-yet! The truth: You're better at so many things than you think you are. Share what makes you great.!"
That's my plan. To share what makes me great! I am a great cook. I am a great seamstress. I am a great knitter. I am a great crocheter. I am a great pianist. I am a great singer. I am a great researcher. I am great at helping people solve problems. I am a great listener. I am a GREAT PERSON.
Cooking: Yesterday was a great cooking day. I made homemade veggie and turkey sausage pizza that tasted really good. I marinated some chicken breast in yogurt and Indian spices and curries. And I made a great high protein chocolate pudding, that I know will taste great later on today. I am going to make my mom and myself some mini meatloaves today. And I plan to bake some ribs for my husband. Yum yum yum.
Creative Arts: I am going to do some sewing today. I didn't get a chance to get started on that black dress yesterday, but I did take a look at the pattern. Today its a matter of cutting out the pattern pieces, pinning them to the fabric and then reading the pattern prior to sewing it. I am going to get started today.
"I AM A GOOD PERSON AND I DESERVE THE GREAT THINGS THAT GOD SENDS MY WAY. AS GOD SENDS GREAT THINGS MY WAY, I WILL NOT PUSH THEM AWAY."
Thank you God, Thank you universe, Thank you for my life. Thank you for the opportunity to share and receive all things good and great in this world. Amen.
Inspiring Scripture: May the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, and the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all. (2 Corinthians 13:14)
Quote for the Day: “As your faith is strengthened you will find that there is no longer the need to have a sense of control, that things will flow as they will, and that you will flow with them, to your great delight and benefit.” ― Emmanuel Teney
=============
I can truly relate to Emmanuel Teney's quote. I am working daily to strengthen my faith. I recognize that life will flow and that I will go with the flow of life, as God flows life my way. One of my favorite scriptures is: "Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart." As I flow with the life that God gives me, I will delight and benefit with that flow of life.
Yesterday was truly a blessing. Shortly before the close of business yesterday, I received an email, extending an offer for a work from home position. I applied for the position back in August. I felt good about the interview. I was worried about passing the required credit check. So, when I received an email about a week ago, stating that I passed the credit check, I felt pretty confident that I would receive the position. But you never know. What's great about this opportunity is the fact that I'd applied for this position years' ago, but I wasn't hired. I'd even applied for a straight work from home customer service position through this company back in 2008, but I acted out of "self sabotage" and resigned during training. I thank God for this opportunity for so many reasons. I will remain positive and not live in the past of my past failures and I will say that this will be an excellent opportunity to work from home, provide great customer service to people in need and to use my research skills in a fun way. The position will also be light and fun and will not involve some of the heavy and somewhat "depressing" (LOL) research that I have recently provided. I am also thankful to be a work from home, W-2 employee. I recognize that this will be a opportunity to become firmly involved in an organization. It will also be an opportunity to move up in responsibility. I recognize that "I am a good person and good things can happen to me." I also recognize that when "good things come my way, I WILL NOT PUSH THEM AWAY." Thank you, Lord, for the blessings and the good things that you have sent my way. I know that you will be with me always, strengthening me and encouraging me along the way.
I am half way finished with Louise Hay's audio book, "You Can Do It" and the power of affirmations. I particularly appreciated the affirmations on forgiveness and creativity. Louise Hay asserts that you can change your life for the good by changing your view of the world. Yolanda Adams also said it best, along the same lines, when she said "Be transformed by changing the way you look at situations." My daily goal, through this blog, is to transform my life, to stop self sabotage in its tracks and to change the way I perceive situations for my good.
I truly enjoyed Women's World magazine yesterday. They always have such great recipes in there. The magazine also has very inspiring messages. The message that I read yesterday that is totally relevant to this blog is this one:
"You deserve good things! Your happiness is worth investing in. If you tend to put your wishes last, it's no wonder why; these days time and energy are in short supply. But spending just a little of each on your dreams doesn't cost a thing. Hope is free, and the payoff is huge." Creating this blog, for me, is an act of investing time and energy in my happiness and my self worth. I am investing in the process of transforming my mind and transforming my view of life and the world. This act will pay forth into my daily happiness.
Women's World also had a quote this week that is even more on-point with what Louise Hay said about self affirmations on creativity. Louise Hay spoke about the fact that people think that only artists are creative people. However, she said that we all express our creativity in many, many unique ways, if only we would tap into it. The Women's World magazine had this quote that I just noticed that's totally relevant to this point:
"Your list of strengths, skills and special qualities gets longer all the time. Some you've already perfected. Some you're still developing. Some you're just discovering. And some you don't even know you have-yet! The truth: You're better at so many things than you think you are. Share what makes you great.!"
That's my plan. To share what makes me great! I am a great cook. I am a great seamstress. I am a great knitter. I am a great crocheter. I am a great pianist. I am a great singer. I am a great researcher. I am great at helping people solve problems. I am a great listener. I am a GREAT PERSON.
Cooking: Yesterday was a great cooking day. I made homemade veggie and turkey sausage pizza that tasted really good. I marinated some chicken breast in yogurt and Indian spices and curries. And I made a great high protein chocolate pudding, that I know will taste great later on today. I am going to make my mom and myself some mini meatloaves today. And I plan to bake some ribs for my husband. Yum yum yum.
Creative Arts: I am going to do some sewing today. I didn't get a chance to get started on that black dress yesterday, but I did take a look at the pattern. Today its a matter of cutting out the pattern pieces, pinning them to the fabric and then reading the pattern prior to sewing it. I am going to get started today.
"I AM A GOOD PERSON AND I DESERVE THE GREAT THINGS THAT GOD SENDS MY WAY. AS GOD SENDS GREAT THINGS MY WAY, I WILL NOT PUSH THEM AWAY."
Thank you God, Thank you universe, Thank you for my life. Thank you for the opportunity to share and receive all things good and great in this world. Amen.
Friday, September 20, 2013
Day 1: Do I want to be made whole? I Believe I can Fly...You didn't give up on me.
Prayer: Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for this day that You have made. I will rejoice, daily, and I will be glad today. I AM glad today to be alive. Please watch over and comfort the families of the victims of the shooting massacre on yesterday. Be with them through the painful days ahead. Let them know that despite the violence in the streets, they should still have hope in you. Help me to continue to have hope in You, Lord. Help me to keep the faith and not lose hope and sight of you. Thank you Lord for my family, my loving husband, my loving mother, sister and niece. Thank you for the opportunity to grow closer to all of them. Help me to appreciate them daily for all that they are. Help me to give them flowers while they are here. Help me to be a blessing to them. Thank you for blessing me with all of them.
Lord, thank you for blessing me to wake up, physically, mentally and emotionally. Thank you for allowing me to wake up to my self-sabbotaging behavior. Before healing a man in the scriptures, Jesus asked the question: "Do you want to be made whole?" Yes. I want to be made whole. I want to be set free of my addiction to self-sabbotage. I am putting in the work. I am working, daily, toward my healing, my wholeness and my freedom, starting today. Thank you for never leaving me nor forsaking me, Lord. Thank you Lord for opening all of the doors and windows, even though I recognized that you opened them, I failed to take full advantage of the opportunities. Please forgive me for not trusting you, for not putting my faith in you. Help me, Lord, to have the strength to have faith in you and to know that you are with me always, through it all. Help me to never give up on you and to never give up on myself.
Scripture(s) that speak to me today:
"...Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don’t worry about missing out. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met..."(Matthew 6:33, The Message Version).
"...Be delighted with the Lord. Then He will give you all your heart’s desires. Commit everything you do to the Lord. Trust Him to help you do it, and He will. (Psalm 37:4-5, Living Bible).
Songs that inspire me today:
"He Didn't Give Up on Me" (Rev. Milton Brunson and The Thompson Community Singers)
Just like a baby when he learns how to walk.
He may take a step or two, and begin to fall.
But his mother reaches out her hand
And she lifts him up and she gives him another chance.
Because that mother had faith in him, he begins to stand.
Now, I was just like that baby, when he learned how to walk
I had fallen down so many times that there was no one that I could call.
But Jesus, He reached out His hand, and lifted me up and He gave
me another chance. I love Him so much because He didn’t give up on me.
You didn't give up on me. Though I failed you, you forgave me once again. Again.
You didn't give up on me. You revived me, and you tried me once again.
Lord you tried me once again. Again.
Lord, I thought that I was all alone, With on one there who really loved me.
Oh, I knew that I was lost and I wanted to come home But there was on one who could help me
No one could help me.
But then King Jesus, You reached out Your hand, And He lifted me up and He gave me another chance.
I love Him so much because You didn't give up on me.
Lord you gave me, one more chance, You proved you love me and you care
And when my spirit was so weak You gave me the power to succeed
You didn't give up on me, You revived me and you tried me once again,
Lord you tried me once again, again.
You didn't give up up up up But you tried me once again!!!
(Thank you Lord)
Words that speak life on my new journey:
devotion - faithfulness - fidelity - loyalty - aiding - assistance - fix - help.
Devotion (defined): means "profound dedication".
"I AM profoundly dedicated to changing my life and ending my self-sabbotaging behavior today."
Self-Help Work: I am listening to Louise Hay's video "You Can Do It" today. It is a one-hour video on Youtube about the power of affirmations. Louise Hay recommends listening to the video everyday for at least 30 days, so that it will permeate in my spirit and settle in. I will start my daily self-help section, for at least the next 30 days with Louise Hay's "You can do it."
1. I am reading the current issue of Women's World magazine. I love that magazine. It truly speaks to me. When an article or saying really stands out, I will share it on this blog.
2. I am cooking today. I have some chicken marinating in yogurt and Indian spices. I will bake the chicken and make Tandoori Chicken and homemade pizza. Cooking speaks to my soul and spirit.
3. I am sewing today. I have some black fabric that has just been sitting in my closet for years. I will to cut out a cute dress pattern and I will sew up the dress this weekend. I will watch a few Craftsy videos so I can be inspired to make "The Classic Tailored shirt" and the tailored jacket soon.
Thank you. God bless you. See you tomorrow on Day 2.
Lord, thank you for blessing me to wake up, physically, mentally and emotionally. Thank you for allowing me to wake up to my self-sabbotaging behavior. Before healing a man in the scriptures, Jesus asked the question: "Do you want to be made whole?" Yes. I want to be made whole. I want to be set free of my addiction to self-sabbotage. I am putting in the work. I am working, daily, toward my healing, my wholeness and my freedom, starting today. Thank you for never leaving me nor forsaking me, Lord. Thank you Lord for opening all of the doors and windows, even though I recognized that you opened them, I failed to take full advantage of the opportunities. Please forgive me for not trusting you, for not putting my faith in you. Help me, Lord, to have the strength to have faith in you and to know that you are with me always, through it all. Help me to never give up on you and to never give up on myself.
Scripture(s) that speak to me today:
"...Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don’t worry about missing out. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met..."(Matthew 6:33, The Message Version).
"...Be delighted with the Lord. Then He will give you all your heart’s desires. Commit everything you do to the Lord. Trust Him to help you do it, and He will. (Psalm 37:4-5, Living Bible).
Songs that inspire me today:
"He Didn't Give Up on Me" (Rev. Milton Brunson and The Thompson Community Singers)
Just like a baby when he learns how to walk.
He may take a step or two, and begin to fall.
But his mother reaches out her hand
And she lifts him up and she gives him another chance.
Because that mother had faith in him, he begins to stand.
Now, I was just like that baby, when he learned how to walk
I had fallen down so many times that there was no one that I could call.
But Jesus, He reached out His hand, and lifted me up and He gave
me another chance. I love Him so much because He didn’t give up on me.
You didn't give up on me. Though I failed you, you forgave me once again. Again.
You didn't give up on me. You revived me, and you tried me once again.
Lord you tried me once again. Again.
Lord, I thought that I was all alone, With on one there who really loved me.
Oh, I knew that I was lost and I wanted to come home But there was on one who could help me
No one could help me.
But then King Jesus, You reached out Your hand, And He lifted me up and He gave me another chance.
I love Him so much because You didn't give up on me.
Lord you gave me, one more chance, You proved you love me and you care
And when my spirit was so weak You gave me the power to succeed
You didn't give up on me, You revived me and you tried me once again,
Lord you tried me once again, again.
You didn't give up up up up But you tried me once again!!!
(Thank you Lord)
Words that speak life on my new journey:
devotion - faithfulness - fidelity - loyalty - aiding - assistance - fix - help.
Devotion (defined): means "profound dedication".
"I AM profoundly dedicated to changing my life and ending my self-sabbotaging behavior today."
Self-Help Work: I am listening to Louise Hay's video "You Can Do It" today. It is a one-hour video on Youtube about the power of affirmations. Louise Hay recommends listening to the video everyday for at least 30 days, so that it will permeate in my spirit and settle in. I will start my daily self-help section, for at least the next 30 days with Louise Hay's "You can do it."
1. I am reading the current issue of Women's World magazine. I love that magazine. It truly speaks to me. When an article or saying really stands out, I will share it on this blog.
2. I am cooking today. I have some chicken marinating in yogurt and Indian spices. I will bake the chicken and make Tandoori Chicken and homemade pizza. Cooking speaks to my soul and spirit.
3. I am sewing today. I have some black fabric that has just been sitting in my closet for years. I will to cut out a cute dress pattern and I will sew up the dress this weekend. I will watch a few Craftsy videos so I can be inspired to make "The Classic Tailored shirt" and the tailored jacket soon.
Thank you. God bless you. See you tomorrow on Day 2.
My journey to ending self sabbotage
"So whenever God opens up that window for you
because you shut the door, what are you doing?
Your going over there trying to shut that window,
after He just opened it. Or maybe you don't even
see it (the open window/door) and you're walking
right past it becuase you've gotten so used to
self sabottage that you don't even see whenever
things are opening up for you and a path is
being made for you...Know that you are a good person, that good things
can happen to you, so that whenever they start to
happen, don't push them away."
(Brittney Reisert, "Inner Voice of Self Sabotage")
I was just listening to Brittney Reisert's video on self-sabotage. But before listening to Brittney's video, I was listening to another video that talked about how many of the issues that we encounter with sabotaging our dreams and ideas often come from other people. This author encouraged us to hang around positive people who buy into your dreams. The author also stated that sometimes we should keep our dreams to ourselves, for fear that "dream jackers" will play a role in killing our dreams. The author then went on to talk about the biggest sabbotager of all - ourselves and the act of self sabbotage. I then logged into Brittney Reisert's video "Inner Voice of Self Sabotage." She talked about the fact that when you are deep into self sabbotage and your daily sabotaging youself, you don't even realize it. You also don't realize that God is opening doors for you because, through the act of self-sabbotage, you are constantly shutting those doors. That statement really spoke to me. The fact that God has opened, is opening and will open doors and windows of opportunity for me. But through the act of self sabbotage, self doubt and low self esteem, I have shut every single window and door. What's so funny is that no one has told me that I am not worthy or incapable. I have told myself that I am unworthy and incapable. I have talked myself out of opportunities that have been God-given opportunities. I have lost faith and have NOT been mindful of the fact that if God gave it to me, He would be with me and would be with me always and see me through it. Like during a 12 step program, you have to admit what you are. I am not an addict. I am not an alcoholic. What I am is a self-sabbotager. I am a professional, self-sabbotager.
What is so interesting is that I am not sure when it started or why. I can kind of pinpoint it. It really started when I graduated from high school and went away to college. Prior to that time, I believed I could do anything. There was no one who could tell me that I couldn't do something. I would walk up to anyone, talk to anyone and try pretty much anything. What's so weird is that in elementary school I was teased and bullied. I was teased for being overweight. I was teased for having acne. I was teased for being a teacher's kid (I attended the same school where my mom taught). All of this teasing and bullying led to low self-esteem that led to my not taking care of myself. I stopped taking gym because I had two left feet.
But despite all of that, I had other things going on in my life that I could hold on to. I could play the HELL out of a piano. No one could take that away from me. People could say a lot of things about me, but they couldn't say I couldn't play. So I held on to that. The self-esteem around my music led me to be self-confident in other areas of my life, but yet in the back of my mind, I still had that nugget of low self esteem that stemmed from my childhood. My ability to play the piano continued throughout elementary school, high school and even in college. I was confident enough, at the age of 19, to replace a long standing, very talented musician at my home church. Why did I think I had the playing chops to replace him when he resigned? I had the self esteem, in fifth grade, to walk up to the chorus teacher and tell her that I could play for the school. And I became the pianist for the school chorus from 5th grade through 8th grade. I became musician for my college chorus and I became a professional pianist/accompanyist for a number of choirs throughout the city.
But something happened in college. I think when my cousin died unexpectedly, I threw in the towel. I never really grieved her death and I quickly began to give up on things. Instead of holding on to that inner resolve that I knew God was driving within me, I began to give up. I began to quit everything. But it really started shortly before that at the beginning of college. I began to quit on relationships. I quit a number of colleges, searching for something. Then when I settled on a college at home, I quit my piano job. That was shortly after my cousin passed away. And I have been giving up and quitting ever since. I don't really know if the roots of my self sabbotage stemmed from the bullying and teasing from elementary school, my parents divorce, the untimely death of my cousin. I am not sure where they are rooted from. I know all of these things are factors in this self sabbotaging process. But I know that I am a professional self-sabbotager and I have been for years. TODAY THE SELF SABOTAGING BEHAVIOR STOPS.
I am not proud to be a professional self-sabbotager, but I am a self-sabbotager. I have successfully sabbotaged every single opportunity that God has presented to me. I have successfully sabbotaged every single job, every single career move, every single educational and entrepreneurial opportunity that God has blessed me with. I recognize these opportunities as a "blessing from God" everytime. Shortly thereafter, the negative voices come FROM ME, telling me I am not good enough, I am not capable, I will be a failure, you should be afraid of success, you cannot handle it. It's too stressful, etc. etc. The first steps towards healing are to admit that you have a problem. I HAVE A PROBLEM.
I am going to stop here and apologize to God for taking advantage of my life. I apologize to God for taking advantage of every person that has been blessed to be a part of my life's journey. I apologize to God for not recognizing His blessings. I apologize to God for not seizing opportunities. I apologize to God for quitting every blessed opportunity that He has sent my way. I sincerely seek and thank God for His forgiveness. Most importantly, I forgive myself for self sabbotaging every aspect of my life.
The advice that one author gave to ending self sabbotage is to transform your mind through spiritual and positive messages. My husband has always spoke to me about changing the negative self-talk tapes that I play in my mind.
The goal of this blog is to document my journey of ending self sabbotaging behavior. One of the authors said that the path to self sabbotage is daily: a daily path of prayer, meditation, scriptural reading and a daily immersion of self-affirmations, readings and positive practices. A daily immersion of doing and believing. My goal is to get on the daily road of stopping this negative behavior so that I will be able to recognize and appreciate blessings and opportunities that come my way, AND I will stick with them and not quit and talk myself out of them.
This blog will document the process of ending this negative behavior. My plan is to live life in the present, to enjoy life and to appreciate the beauty of life that comes in the form of people, nature and opportunities. My goal is to give of myself, to appreciate my gifts and to share them, so that the beauty of this world will continue.
Today is the first day of the rest of my life. MY SELF SABOTAGING BEHAVIOR ENDS TODAY.
because you shut the door, what are you doing?
Your going over there trying to shut that window,
after He just opened it. Or maybe you don't even
see it (the open window/door) and you're walking
right past it becuase you've gotten so used to
self sabottage that you don't even see whenever
things are opening up for you and a path is
being made for you...Know that you are a good person, that good things
can happen to you, so that whenever they start to
happen, don't push them away."
(Brittney Reisert, "Inner Voice of Self Sabotage")
I was just listening to Brittney Reisert's video on self-sabotage. But before listening to Brittney's video, I was listening to another video that talked about how many of the issues that we encounter with sabotaging our dreams and ideas often come from other people. This author encouraged us to hang around positive people who buy into your dreams. The author also stated that sometimes we should keep our dreams to ourselves, for fear that "dream jackers" will play a role in killing our dreams. The author then went on to talk about the biggest sabbotager of all - ourselves and the act of self sabbotage. I then logged into Brittney Reisert's video "Inner Voice of Self Sabotage." She talked about the fact that when you are deep into self sabbotage and your daily sabotaging youself, you don't even realize it. You also don't realize that God is opening doors for you because, through the act of self-sabbotage, you are constantly shutting those doors. That statement really spoke to me. The fact that God has opened, is opening and will open doors and windows of opportunity for me. But through the act of self sabbotage, self doubt and low self esteem, I have shut every single window and door. What's so funny is that no one has told me that I am not worthy or incapable. I have told myself that I am unworthy and incapable. I have talked myself out of opportunities that have been God-given opportunities. I have lost faith and have NOT been mindful of the fact that if God gave it to me, He would be with me and would be with me always and see me through it. Like during a 12 step program, you have to admit what you are. I am not an addict. I am not an alcoholic. What I am is a self-sabbotager. I am a professional, self-sabbotager.
What is so interesting is that I am not sure when it started or why. I can kind of pinpoint it. It really started when I graduated from high school and went away to college. Prior to that time, I believed I could do anything. There was no one who could tell me that I couldn't do something. I would walk up to anyone, talk to anyone and try pretty much anything. What's so weird is that in elementary school I was teased and bullied. I was teased for being overweight. I was teased for having acne. I was teased for being a teacher's kid (I attended the same school where my mom taught). All of this teasing and bullying led to low self-esteem that led to my not taking care of myself. I stopped taking gym because I had two left feet.
But despite all of that, I had other things going on in my life that I could hold on to. I could play the HELL out of a piano. No one could take that away from me. People could say a lot of things about me, but they couldn't say I couldn't play. So I held on to that. The self-esteem around my music led me to be self-confident in other areas of my life, but yet in the back of my mind, I still had that nugget of low self esteem that stemmed from my childhood. My ability to play the piano continued throughout elementary school, high school and even in college. I was confident enough, at the age of 19, to replace a long standing, very talented musician at my home church. Why did I think I had the playing chops to replace him when he resigned? I had the self esteem, in fifth grade, to walk up to the chorus teacher and tell her that I could play for the school. And I became the pianist for the school chorus from 5th grade through 8th grade. I became musician for my college chorus and I became a professional pianist/accompanyist for a number of choirs throughout the city.
But something happened in college. I think when my cousin died unexpectedly, I threw in the towel. I never really grieved her death and I quickly began to give up on things. Instead of holding on to that inner resolve that I knew God was driving within me, I began to give up. I began to quit everything. But it really started shortly before that at the beginning of college. I began to quit on relationships. I quit a number of colleges, searching for something. Then when I settled on a college at home, I quit my piano job. That was shortly after my cousin passed away. And I have been giving up and quitting ever since. I don't really know if the roots of my self sabbotage stemmed from the bullying and teasing from elementary school, my parents divorce, the untimely death of my cousin. I am not sure where they are rooted from. I know all of these things are factors in this self sabbotaging process. But I know that I am a professional self-sabbotager and I have been for years. TODAY THE SELF SABOTAGING BEHAVIOR STOPS.
I am not proud to be a professional self-sabbotager, but I am a self-sabbotager. I have successfully sabbotaged every single opportunity that God has presented to me. I have successfully sabbotaged every single job, every single career move, every single educational and entrepreneurial opportunity that God has blessed me with. I recognize these opportunities as a "blessing from God" everytime. Shortly thereafter, the negative voices come FROM ME, telling me I am not good enough, I am not capable, I will be a failure, you should be afraid of success, you cannot handle it. It's too stressful, etc. etc. The first steps towards healing are to admit that you have a problem. I HAVE A PROBLEM.
I am going to stop here and apologize to God for taking advantage of my life. I apologize to God for taking advantage of every person that has been blessed to be a part of my life's journey. I apologize to God for not recognizing His blessings. I apologize to God for not seizing opportunities. I apologize to God for quitting every blessed opportunity that He has sent my way. I sincerely seek and thank God for His forgiveness. Most importantly, I forgive myself for self sabbotaging every aspect of my life.
The advice that one author gave to ending self sabbotage is to transform your mind through spiritual and positive messages. My husband has always spoke to me about changing the negative self-talk tapes that I play in my mind.
The goal of this blog is to document my journey of ending self sabbotaging behavior. One of the authors said that the path to self sabbotage is daily: a daily path of prayer, meditation, scriptural reading and a daily immersion of self-affirmations, readings and positive practices. A daily immersion of doing and believing. My goal is to get on the daily road of stopping this negative behavior so that I will be able to recognize and appreciate blessings and opportunities that come my way, AND I will stick with them and not quit and talk myself out of them.
This blog will document the process of ending this negative behavior. My plan is to live life in the present, to enjoy life and to appreciate the beauty of life that comes in the form of people, nature and opportunities. My goal is to give of myself, to appreciate my gifts and to share them, so that the beauty of this world will continue.
Today is the first day of the rest of my life. MY SELF SABOTAGING BEHAVIOR ENDS TODAY.
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